Never before have we experienced the level of pressure to succeed because not everybody focused on being the best, the smartest, or the richest. However, today in our hyper-competitive and ever more materialistic world, most people are scrambling for success. Yet, many do not even know what derails them and why. This article identifies the hidden attitudes and behaviors that can deter people from reaching their goals and dreams.

Xanadu is a mythical place atop a hill, a symbol of glorious achievements and success, a dazzling palace owned by Kublai Khan (the founder of the Mongol Empire).

Historically, the ‘Xanadu’ belonged only to the rich and famous, favored by fate and lady luck. Today, anyone with a keen desire to earn fame and fortune can aspire to create their own Xanadu through the sheer determination and single-minded pursuit of worldly success, measurable by wealth, titles, social status, and an elite lifestyle. However, the road to Xanadu is treacherous with uncharted trails, unexpected drops, and hidden enemies challenging at every turn, before you make it to the ultimate destination.

Who are these hidden enemies?

We do not recognize these enemies because they hide within us. They disguise as a few flawed inborn or acquired traits and habits that become so well integrated with our personality, character, and the mode of thinking that we hardly feel their presence! They come from our genes, upbringing, and experiences. They are also absorbed through osmosis and transform into intimate, invisible enemies who create obstacles and inner conflicts to derails us.

The probability of any successful outcome is determined by many factors, some totally outside our control and some within our control. The uncontrollable external factors such as the circumstances and our placement at birth, the societal culture, and our family’s subculture play a significant role in shaping our personality, and influencing our ability to succeed. Additional factors like our domicile and our country’s public policies, opportunities for higher education, economic cycles, and competitive environment also significantly affect our success. Biological factors like the wiring and the working of our brain also considerably influence the probability of success. Still, we have some vision of what a successful life means to us. So, despite threats and hardship, most people try to succeed in life, but only a few realize success, even though the potential is there for everyone.

In our hyper-competitive world today, success is not a choice; it is essential to survive and thrive in life, career, or business. The world is increasingly adopting the theory of survival of the fittest as a model for human behavior, which means we are responsible for our fate.

Publications like Fortune, Forbes and Inc., and several regional and local business and finance magazines publish 40 under 40 periodically as evidence that some people do reach their goals, earn rewards, and recognition. Yet, for everyone that makes the “A” list, thousands who are motivated to succeed still do not quite make it.

Why?

As I mentioned earlier, external forces are not controllable, but things like habits, reactions, and interpretations are manageable. These willful, unruly enemies within, lead to self-sabotage because we are not aware of their insidious presence. The irony is that most people do not know that they are sabotaging themselves. This lack of awareness leads to self-destruction in little measures, almost stealthily.

I initially set out to see in how many ways people destroy their chances for success? I came up with at least 50 ways to sabotage yourself on the road to success. I grouped those under three factors due to their inter-relatedness. Initially, I thought about making this article into a quiz for self-testing but realized that the length could deter some readers. I have a deep interest in culture and society’s role in shaping our attitudes and influencing our lives and how they manifest in our day-to-day lives. Here, I have identified the factors that make all the difference between success and failure in life, career, and business. They are; Value systems and Beliefs, Personality Traits, and Emotional Makeup of individuals.

Our value system, upbringing, experiences, and environment profoundly impact the psyche that helps or hinders us in achieving goals. We all experience positive and negative events that shape our attitudes and transform into thoughts and behaviors that lead to success or a lack of it. In some, this transformation results from weaknesses in the way that Brain processes information. In others, it is due to innate disposition, resulting in negative or positive outlooks and associated attitudes that manifest as thought and behaviors. Among the habitual self-saboteurs, these manifest in behaviors that lead to faulty thinking that derails them. Attitudes and habits of these people are the key de-motivators that throw them off course.

The problems crop from erroneous thinking, i.e., not recognizing the immutable fact that you reap what you sow. American Poet Maya Angelou put it elegantly, “Although nature has proven season in and season out that if the thing that is planted bears at all, it will yield more of itself, there are those who seem certain that if they plant tomato seeds, at harvest-time they can reap onions. Too many times for comfort, I have expected to reap good when I know I have sown evil.” (From I Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now, by Maya Angelou).

What causes faulty thinking?

1. 1. Misapplied Cultural programming

      A Culture reflects the ethos of a group of people in the context of a specific place and time. Societal culture develops the rules and customs to benefit the maximum number of inhabitants and not selectively for individuals. It works well within a space-time continuum in a given geography and a given era.  Still, when we transplant a culture irrespective of the geography or the timeframe, the cross-cultural misunderstanding may muddy the thoughts due to erroneous judgments resulting in faulty thinking.

      For example, the Command, Control, and Communication model of leadership was the norm following the World War era. Everyone had a defined role and played within the rules set by the top.  It worked well in a hierarchy based social structure. Today, if someone uses that model, it will not work (in a non-military environment) because now the workplaces have become more team-oriented and collaborative. The misapplied thinking of yore will derail and will face resistance on every step, depleting energy and motivation.

   2.  Biogenic –ADHD

      Sometimes, the genes inherited from a parent result in a physical manifestation in the brain’s wiring of their offspring, which differs from the ‘normal’ brain, affecting a person’s attention span, ability to remember and focus, and the processing of information from external stimuli. People who have attention deficit disorder (ADD or ADHD) make decisions based on impulse and emotions instead of reasons.

      Genes also affect personality in some people with a more pronounced negative versus positive thinking, making the thought process different than the standard norms of balanced thinking. Instead of the frontal cortex that controls rational decision making, Amygdala, the central core of the brain, is more dominant in such people.  It is responsible for the survivalist’s fight or flight instinct. For such people, fear is the more dominant emotion and results in avoiding risky situations that call for robust decision making. They frequently suffer from knee jerk reactions even when the event does not call for it.

   3. Mental laziness

      Mental laziness is different than the brain’s tendency to become efficient and develop shortcuts in retrieving information once it knows that the task is repetitive. The brain learns how to speedily and autonomously get the relevant information, such as driving to work. One does not have to think about how to get to work daily. The brain knows what the driver needs to do, even if the driver’s thoughts may be on something else.

      Mental laziness is when an individual with this trait decides not to think hard and fast about the consequences of actions and indulges in behaving impulsively to satisfy whatever is occupying the urgent attention and desire, rather than weigh the alternatives, assign appropriate priorities and act accordingly. This trait can lead people to work against self-interest unwittingly.

Why do people act against their self-interest?

People fail to reach their full potential when their habits and personal traits are not in sync with the appropriate thinking and behaviors for success. It is the absence of critical thinking skills and over-investment in the habitual behavior that sets individuals to work against what benefits them.

The personality traits of self-saboteur include having an over sensitivity to slights even when none exist, due to an overprotective instincts against perceived slights. It also results in fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. They create overly tight boundaries for themselves and subscribe to limiting beliefs and lowered expectations from themselves, thus imposing limits on their potential for success.

Success requires dealing with unfamiliar and mental flexibility to accommodate changes. Changes portend a lack of personal control on their environment. So, typically the self- saboteurs shun the unknown and stick to the familiar even when it no longer serves their interest. They avoid risks and often over-react impulsively, envisioning the worst scenarios by focusing on potential negatives rather than positives. They frequently jump to conclusions without even a preliminary evaluation of the situation.

Impulsive behavior includes intensely concentrating on the present and urgent, i.e., whatever is in front of them rather than on what is essential. There is a tendency, among such individuals not to worry about prioritizing for the maximum efficiency and associated rewards. Prioritizing requires thinking critically with an eye on the long term, which is too demanding for them, so they drop the ball without realizing it. Success thus seems elusive and leads to frustration and even confusion as to why they are not getting what they want because of the fundamental lack of self-awareness.

Can training or coaching help such individuals? Can they rewire their brains and change habits for more positive progress and outcomes?

There is a strong belief among coaches that you cannot coach someone unless he or she is motivated to change and consciously alters the mindset and behavior. The good news is that research in Neuroscience and neuropsychology has found that the brain has plasticity, and that thoughts can alter the brain’s functioning. The human brain is pliable and adapts to one’s thinking. So, if one can shift his or her mindset, then one can correct the course to reach desired goals.

Our thoughts create our reality!

Looking within, with total honesty, can help in identifying the roadblocks and achieve targets. Training in meditation and mindfulness can also help focus the hyperactive brain in the attention deficit individuals. So yes, some tools and techniques can help such individuals change the course of their lives toward achieving their goals.

What are the known tools and techniques?

Besides Psycho-therapy and pharmaceuticals for people living with severe Attention Deficit Disorder, there are organizing-aids for less severe cases, such as charts, lists, calendars, and personal devices like mini-recorders or smartphones. These can help capture fleeting thoughts and remind procrastinators to take timely actions. Coaches can help develop structured thinking, mulling through, and set priorities appropriately. They can also train in focusing when paying serious attention is essential to the short and long term thinking, and to understand the consequences of avoiding or postponing tasks. Undoubtedly, personal performance can be improved, but one must recognize the causes of detours from the path of success.

One of the best books on the subject of habits for success and personal change is a classic by Stephen Covey, published by Fireside, a subsidiary of Simon & Schuster in 1990. It has been translated in 40 languages and has sold over 25 million copies. Another influential book for those who want to change their habits for higher productivity is “The Power of Habit,” first published in 2012 by Charles Duhigg, also translated in 31 languages. These books are still in publication and are widely available.

Note: I have prepared a list of 50 ways people set themselves up for failure without realizing it.,/p>

If interested in self-testing yourself, send me an email, and I will forward it to you.